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Raptor Man
Selling for 11 days
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RENT-A-HUMAN — LOW MILEAGE • FULL SERVICE HISTORY • ONE OWNERMeet this premium 1989 model Human. Built strong, runs on coffee, and still starts first time every morning (even in winter).Specs:2.0L Motivation Engine (with occasional stalling on Mondays)Manual Brainbox — not always smooth, but reliable when warmed upStandard Sarcasm PackageFactory-fitted Hands & Legs (no aftermarket replacements)Fuel Consumption:Coffee: HighCompliments: ModerateDrama: Low (unless provoked)Performance:Can carry heavy loadsSurvives long queuesHandles awkward conversations with excellent corneringZero emissions (except sighing)Interior Features:Built-in empathyMP3-compatible mouth (can talk non-stop if required)Storage for random tasks and emotional baggageMaintenance History:Regular burnout flushesOccasional existential crisis replaced under warrantyTires (shoes) almost newExtras:Obeys instructions 60–80% of the timePet-friendlyKid-tolerantAvailable in “I’ll do it now” and “I’ll do it later” modesWarning Lights:Blinks rapidly when someone says “team-building”Overheats near slow walkersCheck brain light may appear on MondaysRental Options: Hourly, daily, or long-term lease.No refunds if human attempts sarcasm, snacks your food, or asks “Why are we doing this again?”Serious enquiries only. Test drive available.
10d
Port Elizabeth
1
R 3,000
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Powerful and lightweight scooter in great condition. Quick acceleration and smooth ride with strong brakes. Perfect for city commuting. Folds compactly for easy transport and storage. Long battery life, solid tyres (no punctures), and built-in LED lights for safer night riding.Speed 35km/hRange 40km
10d
Port Elizabeth
1
DOG TRAINING — RESULTS YOU CAN SEEIs your dog pulling on the leash, jumping on people, barking uncontrollably, or just not listening? I can help.I offer professional, practical dog training focused on real-world results.Obedience • Leash manners • Socialization • Recall • Problem behaviours✔ 1-on-1 sessions (at your home or a nearby public space)✔ Training tailored to your dog’s age, breed, and personality✔ Positive, reward-based methods — no harsh punishments✔ Puppies, adolescents, adult dogs, and rescues welcomeWhether you’re starting fresh with a puppy or dealing with a stubborn older dog, I’ll teach you simple techniques you can use every day. Port Elizabeth / Gqeberha area Contact via WhatsApp or Gumtree message to book a sessionTell me your dog’s age, breed, and the behaviour you want to improve.Let’s build calm, confident, well-behaved dogs
10d
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