Rent a Human

RENT-A-HUMAN — LOW MILEAGE • FULL SERVICE HISTORY • ONE OWNER

Meet this premium 1989 model Human. Built strong, runs on coffee, and still starts first time every morning (even in winter).

Specs:

2.0L Motivation Engine (with occasional stalling on Mondays)

Manual Brainbox — not always smooth, but reliable when warmed up

Standard Sarcasm Package

Factory-fitted Hands & Legs (no aftermarket replacements)


Fuel Consumption:

Coffee: High

Compliments: Moderate

Drama: Low (unless provoked)


Performance:

Can carry heavy loads

Survives long queues

Handles awkward conversations with excellent cornering

Zero emissions (except sighing)


Interior Features:

Built-in empathy

MP3-compatible mouth (can talk non-stop if required)

Storage for random tasks and emotional baggage


Maintenance History:

Regular burnout flushes

Occasional existential crisis replaced under warranty

Tires (shoes) almost new


Extras:

Obeys instructions 60–80% of the time

Pet-friendly

Kid-tolerant

Available in “I’ll do it now” and “I’ll do it later” modes


Warning Lights:

Blinks rapidly when someone says “team-building”

Overheats near slow walkers

Check brain light may appear on Mondays


Rental Options: Hourly, daily, or long-term lease.
No refunds if human attempts sarcasm, snacks your food, or asks “Why are we doing this again?”

Serious enquiries only. Test drive available.